


sleep pretty darling, do not cry and I will sing a lullaby

by fullmetallizard



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 06:16:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4993420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetallizard/pseuds/fullmetallizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from otpdisaster.tumblr.com:</p><p>Person B secretly listening to Person A sing a sweet lullaby to their child every night. After Person A unexpectedly passes away, Person B attempts to sing the same lullaby so their son/daughter, but ends up bursting into tears, much to the child’s confusion.</p><p>(This was originally a oneshot but then it got out of hand)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Roy knew the words to the silly song Riza sang to their daughter every night. He wasn’t supposed to. He knew it embarrassed Riza but her voice was so sweet and he could hear the love in it. He couldn’t help but listen.

 Even though he wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to sing it yet. Penelope begged for the song but Roy just kissed her head and went back to his empty bed where a few hours later, his daughter would inevitably crawl in.

It had been a week since Riza died. Penelope was only three and didn’t understand where she was. Her confusion was killing Roy. Looking into her eyes, the same color as her mother’s, was almost too much. He was falling apart. Riza was the one who kept the family running and efficient.

But a bullet meant for him took her, leaving him wanting to follow her. But he knew he couldn’t. He had someone to think about now.

One chilly afternoon, Gracia Hughes stood with him long after the others had walked away from the cemetery. Elicia was playing with Penelope by Maes’ grave, a good distance from Riza’s but the girls were still easy to see. “I know what you’re feeling right now, Roy,” Gracia said. “I know that better than anyone.”

“It was supposed to be me,” he said quietly, watching his daughter laugh, her black hair flying behind her as she ran. “Penelope has no idea what’s going on, Gracia. What do I do?”

“Elicia was three when Maes died too. It’s…difficult. Some days you’ll think she finally understands and then…she’ll break your heart over and over again.”

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Penelope!” He called. “It’s time to go.”

They said their goodbyes and on the way to the car, Roy looked over his shoulder at the white stone that now marked where Riza’s body was. She was in the ground instead of home with her family. He truly thought his chest was going to collapse when he felt a tiny hand in his. He mustered a weak smile and gave his daughter’s hand a little squeeze.

He strapped her into the seat he’d transmuted to better secure her in the car and then sat behind the wheel. Penelope hummed a tuneless song on the way to their apartment. When they were almost there she stopped abruptly and asked, “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Elicia said that Momma is living with her daddy far away now but they can’t come back.”

“What do you think about that?”

He watched as Penelope pursed her lips in thought, so much like her mom that he felt a strong mix of love and grief brewing in his chest. “I think that Momma’s happy but I miss her and I want her to come home.”

“Me too, buddy,” he told her, parking the car and running a hand over her head.

“When can she stop living there? When can she come be with me again?”

“She can’t, Nel.”

“Never ever?” Her brown eyes were huge.

“I’m sorry.”

He watched as Penelope’s eyes filled and he thought of what she must be going through. She was obviously confused. She missed her mom. She could tell something was bothering her dad and it made her uneasy. It was a lot for such a tiny person to have to sort through.

He pulled her out of her seat and she wrapped around him, crying quietly into his neck. He rubbed her back as he walked through the apartment. He kept his hold on her while he fed an exceptionally quiet Hayate. She’d stopped crying after a few minutes but still clung to him while he cooked dinner.

“Was Momma mad? Is that why she went away?” She asked at the table once they started eating.

He wiped her mouth with a napkin and shook his head. “No. She wasn’t mad. Something bad happened to her and she got hurt and the doctor’s couldn’t fix it and so she couldn’t be here anymore.”

“But I miss her, Daddy,” Penelope whispered, pain written clearly on her face.

“I miss her too.”

They finished eating and Roy put their dishes in the kitchen to worry about the next day.

Penelope played with Hayate as Roy changed and walked around her room, getting her pajamas together. He made a mental note to do laundry soon.

 He helped Penelope with her bath, noting that she was being very quiet. She seemed sad.

He combed her hair and watched as she brushed her teeth, spitting too forcefully into the sink. “Ready for bed?” He asked, following her to her room.

“Will you sing it since Momma’s gone?”

He paused. He wanted to do this for her but he was scared it would break him.

“Not tonight. You need to go to sleep.” He kissed her forehead and left, turning off her light.

He sat down on the couch, trying to figure out what to do with himself when the phone rang. “Hello?” He asked, wincing at how tired his voice sounded.

“Hey.”

“What can I do for you, Fullmetal?”

“How are you? We tried to make it for the funeral but all the kids have a bug and we didn’t want to get Penelope sick. Al called and said he made it though. Did you see him?”

“I didn’t…I didn’t really notice.”

“I don’t blame you.” Ed’s voice was quiet.

“Are the kids okay?”

“They’re fine, Mustang. How are you? How’s Penelope?”

He laughed even though there was no humor in it. “I’m…barely functioning. Penelope’s confused. She won’t eat much and she’s barely sleeping. And I’m trying to keep it together for her but I don’t know if I can, Ed,” his voice came out broken.

“Do you want me to come to Central for a while?” Ed asked after a pause.

“I can’t take you away from your family.”

“I’m not talking about leaving my kids and shacking up with you. I’m just saying something horrible happened and if you need me for a little while, that’s fine. Do you want me in Central?”

Roy opened his mouth to say no but found himself saying yes.

“I’ll be there in two days. I’ll go tell Winry now.”

“Thank you, Fullmetal.”

“No problem, General Bastard.”

He hung up the phone and fought the urge to drink for a while before brushing his teeth and climbing into bed. He stared at Riza’s side for a few moments, thinking of how empty it was. It seemed like he was missing a part of him.

He dozed until he felt the covers being shifted around and looked over to see Penelope climbing beside him. He leaned over and helped her up. “You’re supposed to be asleep, Nel.”

“I can’t ‘cause I didn’t hear the song. I can learn it to you, Daddy. So you can sing it.”

He imagined what Riza would say about him being scared of a children’s song. He pulled Penelope close to his chest and kissed her forehead before singing quietly to her. _“Lark-bird, lark-bird, soaring high, are you never weary? When you reach the empty sky are the clouds not dreary? Don’t you sometimes long to be a silent goldfish in the sea?”_

Penelope was sniffling a little but nestled onto Roy’s chest. He wiped at the tears streaming down his cheeks. _“Goldfish, goldfish diving deep, are you never sad, say? When you feel the cold waves creep, are you really glad, say? Don’t you sometimes long to sing and be a lark-bird on the wing?”_

“Don’t cry, Daddy,” Penelope mumbled sleepily. She’d never seen him cry before and he could tell it confused and worried her. He brushed her hair off her forehead.

“I love you, Nel. Your mom loves you too.”

With his daughter sleeping against him, it was the first time he felt like he might get through Riza’s death without losing himself completely. He knew Riza’s mother died young and then she grew up with a madman as a father.

He looked at his daughter who was his spitting image, save for the brown of her eyes. That couldn’t happen to her. He wouldn’t let it. He could still create a life for her that was good.

The pain was easier to brush off during the day when there was work to be done and a daughter to be watched, but at night there were no distractions. He had to feel the things Riza being gone made him feel.

He felt guilt most of all. The bullet had been meant for him. She hadn’t even dived in front of him or thrust him out of the way like everyone always figured she’d do in that situation. The shot was just poorly aimed. Instead of landing in his chest, it landed in Riza’s skull. The doctor’s said she was dead before she hit the ground.

He felt fear. He was afraid of raising Penelope by himself but he was mostly scared of…not having Riza at all. She’d been in his life since he was sixteen and now she was gone and it was startling for him to feel so alone. He missed her so much it made his whole body ache.

Penelope shifted in her sleep, pulling Roy out of his thoughts. Looking at her made him feel something else.

He felt love. And somehow it was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Ed had never heard someone sound so broken. He knew Mustang loved Hawkeye, he’d figured it out long before Roy accidentally knocked her up. Ed knew how much he loved her and now she was gone.

He didn’t know what to expect when he walked into the apartment. He knew the General and Penelope weren’t there, Mustang had called ahead to tell him Penelope had a doctor’s appointment and that he’d leave him a key.

He took a deep breath and walked in. Hayate walked up to investigate and Ed gave him some ear scratches. After a few seconds of that, he then stood and looked around.

 It wasn’t so bad. There were too many dishes in the sink, which Ed focused on first. He moved on to address the fact that their hampers were overflowing. He saw that some of Hawkeye’s clothes were in the mix but he went ahead and washed those anyway.

He went to the places he knew the General used to hide booze and found new bottles. “Dammit, Mustang.” At least none of them appeared to be open. Ed put all three in his suitcase and had just closed it when the door opened.

“Uncle Ed!” Penelope cheered, running to him.

He picked her up and squeezed her in his arms. “Good to see you, Nel.”

“Where’s Nina?”

“She’s back at my house.”

She nodded and looked sad for a second. “Momma’s not here too.”

He swallowed, feeling his throat tighten. “I know. I’m sorry.”

He put her down and looked at the General. He had dark circles under his eyes and he’d clearly forgotten or hadn’t bothered to shave for a couple days. “Hey, Fullmetal.”

“Hey. Have you eaten?”

He snorted. “Why? Did you suddenly learn how to cook?”

“I can cook like four things,” Ed defended himself.

“I’ll make dinner. I prefer my food to be edible.”

Penelope went into her room with Hayate, leaving the two men alone in the kitchen.

Mustang asked him questions as he cooked, which Ed hadn’t expected. But then again, Ed figured the only person he had to converse with at home now was three years old.

“How old are all of yours now?”

“Ben’s eight, Sara’s seven, Nina’s five, and Theo just turned three.”

“Any of them interested in alchemy?”

“Try and recruit any of my children and I will kill you.”

“It was just a question, Fullmetal,” he sighed tiredly, adding salt into a pan and stirring.

“Sara is. She’s a little fucking genius too. Better than I was at her age. Ben likes alkahestry better. Theo is already interested in automail.”

“What about Nina?”

“She hates alchemy and alkahestry both. Something about the reconstruction phase makes her really nervous. She wanted to stop so we have for the time being. She likes books.”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Why wouldn’t it be okay with me?” He asked, getting a glass of water and siting at the table. “It’s just alchemy. The only one who’s really invested in it is Sara.” He shrugged. “I’m scared she’ll be a state alchemist,” he admitted after a pause.

The General didn’t look at him, just kept cooking. “Would it really be so bad?”

“What if Penelope wanted to be a state alchemist?”

“I’d let her. But it’s a moot point. She doesn’t especially like alchemy. Riza wasn’t crazy about her learning it either.”

Ed felt a jolt when he mentioned Hawkeye, in the past tense no less. “Why?”

“Riza had…a rough time with alchemy when she was younger. Her father was an alchemist. He was my teacher, actually.”

“You knew her that long?”

“Since I was sixteen and she was thirteen.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“She wasn’t an especially open person,” he said. Ed could see a faint smile on his lips.

“Mustang…what happened?”

He heard the air leave the General’s body. “She…she got shot. Someone was trying to shoot me and happened to hit her.”

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

“I think when she hit the ground that a part of me died too.”

“Mustang…”

“You know,” he barked out a hollow laugh, “she’d finally agreed to marry me that morning.” Ed opened his mouth to speak but Mustang didn’t give him a chance. “Penelope, come out here and eat!”

Ed shook his head and stood to help set the table. Penelope walked out and wanted to sit next to Ed. She chattered as Mustang leaned over to cut her food into smaller pieces.

“Uncle Ed, when can I see Nina?” She asked, taking his hand.

“You love Nina, don’t you? You and your dad are welcome anytime.”

“I wish Momma could take me.”

Ed saw Mustang clench his fist out of the corner of his eye. “I’m sorry she can’t.”

Penelope nodded. “Yeah, it’s sad. Elicia said Momma’s happy and that she lives with her daddy. I think that’s okay.”

Ed had no idea what to say. No one really spoke much after that. Ed cleaned the kitchen while Mustang gave Penelope a bath. He decided to call Winry.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Win.”

“Ed! How is he?”

“It’s not good. It’s like he’s dead too. His eyes are empty.”

“God, Ed. I can’t even imagine…”

Ed tried to picture for just a second what it would be like if Winry were taken from him, leaving him to raise their kids alone. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I love you, Win,” he choked out.

He heard her sniffle. “I love you too, Ed. I’m glad you’re there with them.”

“I’ll be home soon though.”

“I know you will.”

Mustang came out of Penelope’s room and sat on the couch. “I have to go. Love you.” He hung up and sat on the other end.

“Do you want a drink?” Mustang asked, looking at the backs of his scarred hands.

“No,” Ed said drily, thinking of all the times he’d seen Mustang drunk. “You don’t either.”

“I haven’t had a drink since Penelope was a baby. But it’s all I’ve wanted to do lately.”

“That’s selfish as all hell,” Ed said before he could think better of it. “What happens to your daughter if you turn into a useless drunk?”

“What’s going to happen to her now that her mother’s gone?” His voice was dark and angry. The last Ed heard him sound like that, he was below Central trying to talk him down from his rage. Hawkeye credited Scar, but Ed knew that it was ultimately her who brought him back.

Who would bring him back from this?

“She still has a father, Mustang.”

Ed watched as the older man put his face in his hands. “I’m not the parent Riza was. She was…amazing with her.”

“Hey,” Ed said, softer now. “Penelope loves you. Anyone can see how much she loves you.”

“I’m going to bed,” he said, after a long pause. “I’ll set the couch up for you.”

“I’ve got it,” Ed said. “Just go.”

They both went to bed. Ed had just fallen asleep when he heard Penelope screaming. He shot up, looked on as Mustang run into her room, and went to see if he could help.

Mustang was sitting on the bed with a shaking Penelope in his lap. “It’s okay, Nel. You’re awake.” Ed watched as he stood up and sat in a rocking chair. He laid his daughter across his chest and rubbed her back slowly.

“Is everything okay?” Ed asked from the door.

“Just a nightmare, Fullmetal.”

Ed stood for a second, watching the General soothe his child before going back to the couch. He pulled the covers up and listened as Mustang sang a song about a bird and a fish. He was almost asleep again when Mustang came out of the bedroom, sat in an armchair in the living room, and sobbed.


	3. Chapter 3

After a week of Edward being there, Roy felt a little less empty. The day before Ed was set to leave, Roy tried to go back to work but everyone stared at him and asked if he was doing okay. It was too much and he had to leave early.

He came back and saw Ed reading to Penelope. “Hi, Daddy!”

“Hey, buddy. Have you eaten?”

“Uncle Ed made me a sandwich.”

“That was nice of him.”

Roy sat on the couch while Ed finished the book and then sent Penelope off to play in her room. “I need to talk to you,” Ed told him, sitting on the other end of the couch.

“What about?”

“I think you should retire.”

Roy blinked. “I’m not even forty years old.”

“I think you should retire, take your pension, and live in Resembool.”

“What?”

“It’s a good place to raise kids. You can’t tell me you’ll find any happiness from work.”

“But I promised Riza I’d-“

“That you’d become Fuhrer. Right. But…do you really want to be Fuhrer without her? You’ve done more than enough. Ishval is practically independent. We’re at peace with everyone around us for once. And everyone knows if you leave, Armstrong will be the next Fuhrer.”

“You say that like it’s a good thing,” Roy scoffed.

“It is. Just say you’ll at least think about it.”

“That promise meant a lot to her.”

“But I bet her daughter meant more.”

That sentence silenced any argument forming in his head. Was it really such a bad idea or was he shooting it down because it was Fullmetal suggesting it?  

  He pictured his daughter playing in grassy fields with Ed’s kids. He liked the idea of getting her away from Central. He’d be taking her away from Grumman but Roy figured he’d understand.

He couldn’t tell if it was surprising or not that he wanted to leave.

He spent the next few months filing all the necessary paperwork and packing up the apartment. Havoc came over to help load the boxes onto a moving truck. “Hi!” Penelope cheered, wrapping herself around his legs. It still gave Roy a feeling of joy to see Havoc standing on his own two feet.

“I heard you’re moving, kiddo. You excited?” Havoc ruffled her hair.

“I’m gonna look for Momma there!”

Roy took a deep breath. Penelope had been doing well but lately she’d become convinced Riza would be at the new house and Roy couldn’t make her understand.

“Nel, Mom won’t be there. We talked about it.”

She turned and put her hands firmly on her little hips. “But I miss her.”

As if that were enough. He was suddenly angry. He wanted to clock Havoc in the face for the look of pity he gave him.

“Penelope, go play with Hayate in your room.”

“But Daddy-“

 _“Penelope,”_ he said sharply. “Go.”

She and Roy both flinched. He didn’t use that tone with his child and she didn’t know how to react to it. Havoc looked like he wished he could be somewhere else. Penelope gave Roy a glare that could rival one from her mother and went to her nearly empty room, slamming the door.

“Look, boss. She’s just a little kid,” Havoc started.

“Let’s just load the boxes.”

After a few hours, Havoc said he had to get back to Rebecca and the baby. Penelope didn’t come out to say goodbye to him even when he knocked. Roy shook his hand and then hugged him tightly. Once he’d left he went into Penelope’s room.

She was curled up with Hayate on her mattress, sobbing harder than he’d ever seen her cry before. He pulled Hayate out of her grip gently and then cradled her in his arms like he had when she was a baby. “What’s the matter, buddy?”

“I want Momma!” She wailed. She covered her eyes with her hands when she cried just like Riza did. “She won’t be at the new house and if we leave she won’t know where to go.”

His heart hurt as badly as it did when he watched Riza crumple to the pavement. There was nothing he could say to make it easier for her. “Momma’s gone, baby. I’m sorry. I know you miss her.”

“Why did she go?” She whimpered, sitting up in Roy’s lap.

“She died, Nel. Remember how we talked about that? What did we say?”

“I’m alive and you’re alive and Momma used to be alive but now she’s not.”

It stung him to hear her sweet voice say it but he knew she needed to. “That’s right.”

“Will we live with Uncle Ed when we leave?”

“No. But we’ll live close to him.” She nodded and Roy wiped her cheeks and nose with the hem of his shirt. “I love you, Penelope.”

She nodded again.

He held her and hummed Riza’s lullaby until she fell asleep and he wrapped her in a blanket and laid her down before sneaking out, flipping the light switch as he left.

He lay in his bed and thought about leaving the home he’d shared with Riza. He figured he’d feel guilty for leaving it but he knew Riza would think that was ridiculous. She’d understood how places could hold too much pain in them. She hadn’t been in her hometown since the day she left for the military academy.

He didn’t try to fight the tears that were gathering in his eyes. He rolled onto Riza’s side of the bed and found some comfort there.

The next day, he loaded the last of their things into the truck and didn’t look back as he and his daughter left Central behind them.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel that I should mention that while I have another fic where Roy and Riza's child is named Penelope, they are different Penelopes. This one is completely separate from "Hidden."  
> Comments and feedback would be greatly appreciated! I love you for reading!


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